Dear Lucas,
These thoughts of mine are long, long overdue
to be told. Throughout my entire life, September has been the most
devastating, shattering, and demoralizing month of all, in any calendar. In a necrosed September I lost to the unyielding
death two of my best friends, my mother, you Lucas Martino, and my mundane job;
all in less than 30 days, and all in a lethal September... I ceaselessly think of September as a dark, fuliginous
and ruinous month.
The pain of the other loses have greatly subsided
with the passing of the inexorable time, but the tremendous wound and the
amaranthine and throbbing pain your death inflicted so viciously on us; it will
remain forever. I do hate September with
the complete power of my entire existence.
Your sudden death has wounded profoundly the
rest of us. I know your brother Antonio
Vincenzo and your sister Giuliana María are carrying an incredible weighty and
intense suffering every single day of their young lives, taxing them constantly.
I can see the pain in their faces. This letter I am writing today Lucas, is for
them.
My beloved Antonio Vincenzo and Giuliana Maria,
First I would like to tell you I love you, I know I have
told you this many times since you were little, but I hope now you can appreciate
just how much I do love you both.
I am writing this letter to you Antonio and Giuliana as a
permanent reminder of how wonderful and loved you are, and to tell you that no
matter what happens for the rest of our lives, you will always shine and will
be the bright lighthouse of my life. I
say this not just because I am your dad, but because of how incredibly you have
enriched my life and how you have enriched the life of many others, and your
lives will go on to enrich the lives of those lucky ones that are yet to meet
you. Because of you, I can count my life by smiles, and not by tears, and
I can count my age by your love, and not by years.
The things you struggle with have become my own struggles,
while all the breathtaking and astonishing things you have accomplished in your
short but beautiful lives, so far have brought me more joy and pride than
anything I could have ever imagined. When
I look into your eyes, I see such hope for humanity, and I can catch a glimpse
of the kind of world we should all live in, because through your sincere eyes I
can see that truth and kindness live in your souls and spirits.
I am very proud of what you have become and for who you will
become, I know you are strong and you have great morals, values and principles,
something I hope I instilled in you. I also
told you that you could be anything you wanted to be, and you try to be happy
with life.
I always remember all those times when we traveled all
together as a family to Yucatán, Mexico; were we had great adventures and
family times! Although those happy times
are long gone, those memories make my aching heart feel balmy.
A world filled with kindness for everything and everyone,
whether it is a smile, a simple gesture or simply being there is what you both
bring to the world every day. A world
filled with compassion for the vulnerable, weak, very young or very old. You seem to have a special sensitivity to the
needs of others and help in the most sensitive and gentlest of ways. I know you will come across irksome people in
your life and some most of them will be plain stupid; however, do not sacrifice
your integrity by making yourself look good at the expense of others.
On all the occasions I moaned at you to clean and tidy your
room, to wash or to put the dishes away, to take out the trash in a rainy day,
and to take Roxy for a walk. I did this
for a reason and I hope you see that now.
I hope you now understand and know that these little chores and
inconveniences I put you though, were to teach the value of working together
and being a part of the family... a
family we are not more.
Finally,
do not take life too seriously. Take
YOUR lives seriously. Have fun, laugh a
lot and also at yourself when you make mistakes of any size. Do not be concern too much with the things you
cannot control because they are just like wind. Those things will perhaps upset you, but you
must learn to ignore them, just like you do with the wind. Never forget that you get only one life and
one life only, so enjoy it to the fullest and do not worry about death, it
comes only once in a lifetime.
I dedicate this mutinous thoughts of mine to you from the deepest
inside of all, from my heart, because I love you with the total and complete
power of mi transitory existence; because I have loved you always more than my
own life; because you –inadvertently perhaps- taught me to cast my wild and
ferocious existence into a more pleasant one; and most of all, because you are
what I love more than anything in the Universe.
In my most obscure, adrift, confused, and desperate moments; there
are no gods or magic to steer me out of the gloom, but instead I have the
undying bright and intense beacon of yours, shielded with the verve of your
wonderful lives to safely and securely navigate me out of the murky waters of
darkness. Thank you, Giuliana and
Antonio.
My unconditional love is to both of you, and forever.
In memory of our beloved son and brother, Lucas Martino.
Your imperfect father.
20/2/2018