Dear Lucas,
Today we put your mom to rest. You probably know this, and she is with you now. It was a very painful and sad day, and tears were plentiful.
A week before on Monday, I took Alicia to the hospital for a procedure. The procedure lasted for a long time. When she came out of it, she did look very tired and had a look of complete exhaustion on her face. I took her home. We had a nice chat during the trip, and we stopped at a place to get the “salteñas” she liked so much.
When we arrived home, I sat her on the sofa in the living room. I had many things to do, but on my way out I looked at her, and my heart took a violent and terrifying turn. Suddenly, I got this terrible feeling that something ominous was going to happen.
I called and texted her during the entire week to check on her, but I did not get an answer. Your sister Giuliana told me that mom was very tired and was sleeping most of the time. I decided to stop by on Saturday to see her. It was about 10:00 AM that Saturday, and I was brushing my teeth when I got a call from her. This was the first time I was afraid to answer the call, but I promptly did.
I said: “Hi sweetie, how are you?
What I heard is killing me day and night. The only thing she said with a very fragile and fainted voice was this:
“I am dying…” That is all she said…
I still cannot contain my tears as I write this. When I heard that, my heart and soul exploded into a billion pieces. I darted out and flew over to her. She was in a very precarious condition. Giuliana and I helped her, and we called 911. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. Giuliana and I follow behind.
When we got to the hospital, the doctor told us that there was nothing they could do. Her long and hard battle with cancer was coming to a bitter end. She was in so much pain as she had been during the last three years, but today, it was the worst. The doctor told us that Alicia will expire soon. Perhaps an hour or two, or perhaps a bit longer, but this was the end of the road.
We immediately called your brother Antonio to West Palm Beach where he lives in Florida, and Alicia’s family in Morgantown, West Virginia. They all dropped everything instantly and flocked to Virginia. Despite the hurry, they were not able to make it before she passed away. Giuliana and I held her hands and continuously repeated in her ears that we love her so very much. And she passed away while we held her loving hands. She did not die alone.
I have no conscience of how long I cried holding her hand without consolation. I felt my body falling apart, and a great loneliness overtook my spirit. I felt cold and awfully lost and empty as if death was caressing me with a sick sense of companionship. My humanity will never be the same.
I was compelled to write a goodbye letter to your mom, Lucas. It took all the energy and power of my brittle existence. I am sending you this letter even though I know you know how things came down.
Dad.
“Dear Alicia,
This is the most difficult and dreadful writing I have ever done.
Alicia, your unmerited departure has opened another bottomless wound in my heart and soul that will never heal. I will live from now on with a wound that will bleed out my life day after day.
Last week I went to Morgantown to pick up your mother, Mrs. Shirley Jean Giuliani. In the garden of her house, I saw the bench attached to the tree where I asked you to marry me 30 years ago. The moment was vivid and terribly sorrowful, and 30 years of our family life crossed my mind in a few very agonizing seconds.
Alicia, you taught me to be a better husband, a better father, and you crafted me into a better man. You were there every time I needed support, you offered me a shoulder to cry on, and you were a friend to confide in. You were omnipresent when difficult times obscured our days to shed light and hope, and you were there for the happy and silly moments of our lives to laugh and be happy with us. You gave us three marvelous and beautiful kids with the wonderful happiness they brought to us.
In every way, I am a product of your unselfish dedication as my wife. You always took that role with passion and loyalty and lived it out in a way that can only be done by you. You were the perfect spouse and a teammate for me. You offered advice and encouraged me when I need it and dragged me out without hesitation when I fell in the obscure and deep well of depression the death of our son Lucas Martino left us.
Alicia, this farewell is killing me because I love you so much, but I am writing it to be able to say a forlorn and sad, but sincere goodbye. I want to express a deep and truthful gratitude to you once more for the 30 wonderful and fulfilling years we spent together and the amazing impact you made on my life. In fact, you gave me the best years of my entire life and made every one of my days brighter.
Alicia, you were an ideal person, an ideal mother, and an ideal wife, and I ask for your forgiveness because I did not always see that. You always bore the accident of life with much dignity and grace, with a sincere smile and with endurance beyond human capabilities, always making the best of any, and all circumstances no matter how thorny they were.
Rest in Peace my dear Alicia, go now into the infinity of the expanse and the sidereal spaces where time and dates mean nothing, to roam free of pain and suffering with your beloved son Lucas, with your dad (Papa), and the members of our families who are already there and they are happy to see you again. I am missing you, Alicia, and I cannot say more. I will let my tears tell you the rest because my words cannot.
So long Alicia until we meet again. Love you always,
Your husband Rodrigo.”