Dear
Lucas,
I am thinking of you, kid.
Love you.
My
days seem to be getting darker and I keep on asking myself what loneliness
is. I try to rationalize this devastating
estate of my mind, but no logic comes out of my efforts. Now that you are irreparably gone, I can put some
valid perspective on this profound and hadalpelagic loneliness that rules my destitute
and futile life.
What really makes us happiest in life? You often Lucas talked about happiness and
how she avoided your life. Between tears
and crying you expressed that the only thing in life you ever wanted, it was to
be happy. I did not know how to make
that happen as much as I tried, and that makes me insignificant. Today, I am in the same spot you were before
that painful departure of yours that shattered my defeated life into no more breakable
pieces. I thought I had a family by my
side, but I was foolishly dead wrong.
When family abandons and dispose of you, even your best friends are
incapable to fill this unfathomable void.
In these times is when the value of the truth suppurates out the truth
of the value.
Some people think and believe that happiness is fame and
fortune. Perhaps they are right, because
I painfully discovered that family is the real reward, but only when family exist.
Friends, as good and faithful as they
might be, they are no match for the companionship and camaraderie of a real family. Even though our need to connect is instinctive
and inherent to our fickle nature, and in spite of our daily connections with
others throughout the day, some of us always go home alone and forlorn. I used to have a “home”, now is just a cold and
hostile abode.
You and I know that we can be very busy having lots of people
around us all the time or yet, being in a lifelong marriage, but you
can still suffer a profound, deep-seated, pervasive and omnipresent loneliness
that erodes your life constantly without opposition. And this is what had inflicted on us this
overwhelmingly detrimental and devastating effect on our mental, emotional, and
physical health. Now I know this for sure.
A real family is supposed to provide you with intimate
bonds, family is supposed to be the people in who we have a need to confide,
people in who we need to feel like we belong with, people around us from who we
need to be able to get and give support.
I believe that more than fame, richness, and intelligence; family and
friends are the key to a happy life.
When this link is broken, there is no happiness, there is no life, in
fact; there is only an intense and heavy loneliness. Death is perfect loneliness. Now I know this, and I understand that you
knew this before I discovered this sad reality.
Perhaps you Lucas were right all along on this. Loneliness is a better option to depraved,
insincere, and regretful company, a better option to a deceitful family; and
the loneliness you sought after, was beyond this mortal coil. I wonder if you found loneliness out there in
the infinite, or perhaps you found the right family, or the right company you
deserve. I really hope you found what
you were looking for; I really hope so my dear Lucas. There is no chance for me to do that here,
though. Ever! I am trapped... because now, the doors of my
life only have doorknobs in the outside.
I am thinking of you, kid.
Love you.
Your Dad.