Today is July 11th,
2019. Today, a smoldering tear sat on my
heart all day long, blazing my spirit and making difficult for me to breathe
without sighing. That tear refused to
leave me through my eyes, so that morbid and aggressive tear overflowed every
corner of my existence filling it with a deep unhappiness because I am crushed
with sorrow and grief.
In clear nights, I look at the
flickering starts that upholster the sky looking for your bright, sincere and
undying smile, because that honest and ample smile of yours Lucas is about the
only thing that can surely drag me through this cheerless glitch of existence,
which I charitably call "life".
Today was specially sad and
tearful Lucas, but the memories of your loving and vibrant life always manage
to recue me at the end of the day. I
miss you so much my beloved son. I will
like to believe that my sadness will sail away with the wings of time.
I too often think that hope is a near-useless tool,
which never produces a solution. Hope feels
like the sun in your face when you walk towards it, but then, the sinister shadows
are casted behind you so you cannot see them. Too many of my hopes and dreams of you
followed your spirit into the infinite, and in clear nights, I strive to find some
of them tangled and windswept among the never-ending starts.
In
spite of the mortal wound death so violently struck my life with, I want to
think of death as the subtle gate to a new freedom. In the flower, death sets free its perfume;
in the frail chrysalis, death give birth to a butterfly; and in you my beloved
son, death has set free your invincible spirit, armed with your unshakable smile.
Lucas Martino, you have given me a life suffused with your
pristine love and indestructible friendship. I was lucky enough to see you eye to eye and
look up to you and your unbelievable human qualities. I know you had a hard life during those 16 wonderful
years, and I am grateful to have being part of your life. I am far from being happy, and I have no peace
in my heart or in my broken spirit.
I remember when you were little and you and your
brother and your sister demanded me to give you “horsy rides”. I always got on my knees while the three of
you jumped on my back, and I gave you horsy rides until my knees could not take
anymore. It took me a couple of days to
get rid of my knee pains, but I never care about it, it made me happy to sweeten
your young lives with such simple action.
Lucas, I miss a lot being your horsy ride...
My beloved Lucas Martino, I respect you as much as I
love you, and this was never different and it will never be different. I am one of those few selected in the Universe
to have known you. I wish to have you
know you for longer my dear Lucas, but it was not to be. In spite of everything and at only sixteen
years old, you have already left a stagnant imprint on my heart and on the
hearts of many that will accompany us, wherever we go. You made my fatherhood life meaningful. It is a gift from you.
Your
sudden departure taught me that there is no greater sorrow than to recall with great misery
the time when we were happy. I am
telling you about this bitter tear that sat on my heart today because this tear
is an impossible word my mouth cannot say nor can my heart bear.
I
miss you so much Lucas, but in reality; you are the great piece missing from
me....
I will see you again when I am no more.
Dad.